Pineapple
by elevensdoctress
Summary: The Doctor and Clara find themselves divided on one of life's biggest debates


**A/N: I had quite bad writer's block doing this so it's pretty messy because I just wanted to get it up. As always, please review as I'm always looking for ways to improve!**

They burst through the TARDIS doors, shutting them firmly behind them.

"So that was the planet on which it never rains?" said Clara, clothes plastered to her shivering frame and water dripping off the ends of her hair. "I didn't see any of those very friendly locals you mentioned who give out free ice-cream."

"Well, technically it _almost_ never rains. Every seven years it rains rather enthusiastically. And the locals are probably in hiding." The Doctor explained guiltily. "But if you want ice-cream, I know a planet that snows the stuff.

Clara just looked at him. Here they were, dripping a rather sizeable puddle that could be mistaken for a small lake onto the floor of the TARDIS, and he thought that she was worried about ice-cream. Seeing as he'd already been wrong once today, she decided to spare his ego for now. His poor hearts might not be able to take another blow. "Actually, I've sort of gone off the idea of cold food now. You can get us pizza while I change into dry clothes. Hawaiian."

The Doctor couldn't have looked more offended if she had slapped him. He stood there, shell-shocked, until Clara returned in dry clothes, still rubbing a towel on her damp hair.

"Where's the pizza?"

"Excuse me?"

"Hawaiian pizza. Ham and pineapple on a – surely you know what a pizza is."

"Of course I know what a pizza is. I'm not stupid." The Doctor scoffed, looking very much like he thought that Clara was the stupid one. "What gets me is that you think that putting pineapple on pizza is acceptable."

Now it was Clara's turn to be offended. "But it's delicious!" Her brow wrinkled a little. How could she begin to explain this culinary match made in heaven to a man so set in his ways? "It's just a really good mix of flavours. The juicy sweetness goes amazingly with the cheese and – "

"Contain yourself, Clara. My TARDIS won't take kindly to having you start drooling all over her floor." The Doctor was having to exercise some serious self-control to stop himself from calling her a pudding-brain, although he wasn't entirely convinced that she didn't deserve it, either. After all, she was ignoring one of the cardinal rules of cuisine: fruit and meat do not mix, especially on pizza. It just doesn't belong. Fruit is a sweet food, and that belongs in the dessert category. "And stop it with the eyes. I can't have you malfunctioning all over the place."

Clara could tell that she'd hit a nerve, although why the Doctor was reacting so strongly to the thought of Hawaiian pizza was a complete mystery to her. Perhaps it was the unexpected twist it added, but then again he had just taken her to a planet where it rained _very_ unexpectedly and been calmer than this. He's always been up for adventure, so what was it about this that made him flat-out refuse to experiment? Perhaps he got trapped in a pineapple under the ocean with an overexcited sea sponge once. She really wouldn't be surprised.

"Why don't you like it?" She asked cautiously.

"Because it goes all warm and slimy! Fruit is not supposed to be either of those things; it should be cool and crisp, rather like me on a good day." Oh Doctor, always with the ego, Clara thought. "And it most definitely does not belong on pizza. Whoever came up with that terrible idea ought to be banished. And besides," the Doctor lowered his voice and turned his face away from Clara, "I don't like pineapple."

All Clara could do was laugh. All that fuss, just because the Doctor thought he needed a more impressive answer than that he simply _doesn't like_ pineapple. It was ridiculous, and yet oh so typical of him. She supposed he felt like it was some sort of Gallifreyan honour that he had to defend, always having a logical and indisputable argument.

"Come on then, we'll get Chinese food. Any objection to sweet and sour pork?" She asked.

The Doctor went slightly pink. "Uh, maybe."


End file.
